Stuck in the Middle
It came to me rather expectedly, not like some grand epiphany. The ingredients were all there, waiting to be mixed; the clock, the sunrise, the blurred vision, the headache, the vomit covering the floor, the table, and the edge of my bed. I sat on the corner of my bed looking at all of it and realized I have a decision to make: I either need to stop drinking like I’m still 17 and events like this are to be expected, or I need to drink more often. Now, I know you’re probably thinking that the second choice there isn’t the best one, but I’ll tell you why I find it to be a viable option.
When I was 17 liquor was harder to come by, I’m sure you all remember those days, so when I drank I drank to excess, consequences be damned. Often times I would get sick, okay, most times. It became such a frequent occurrence that a friend of mine started calling me Sick Boy (after the Social Distortion song, not that it really matters, it would have worked either way). Everyone I drank with expected me to crawl or stumble off at some point during the night and puke up all that I hadn’t already pissed away. But as I grew older and liquor was more readily available I would drink whenever I wanted to. Most weekends and even a couple days during the week I could be found with some kind of tasty alcoholic beverage. This continued for years, and for several of those years I didn’t puke at all. My tolerance for alcohol had reached the point that we would normally run out of booze before I could get sick. I could drink an 18 pack or a bottle of rum and still keep my feet under me (for the most part, I’m a stumbler of highest order), sure I’d be wasted most of the time, but I wouldn’t get sick.
I’ve slowed down my drinking drastically over the past year or so. Now it’s once or twice a month, but I’m still drinking like my tolerance is what it used to be. There are several reasons for this; my lack of disposable income coupled with friends who like to hit the bars and pay outrageous amounts of money for drinks is the main one. Then there’s the simple fact that I tire of people quickly, so most times I’d rather just not join the party. I mean, there are friends and then there are people you see when you’re drinking, they’re not mutually exclusive, as you tend to drink with your friends, but then there are the other people whom you just can’t see inviting into your house under any circumstance other than for a boredom party. Or maybe I need to just meet more interesting people, but I digress. The simple fact is that since I don’t drink like I used to a twelve pack fucks my ass up good, and that would be fine if I stopped there, but I don’t.
Hitting the bed immediately when I get home would work as well, but I usually like to grab something to eat after a night of drinking, and it doesn’t like staying down.
Of course, there is a third option, the most obvious one: just don’t drink so damn much. Moderation and all that. Sure, that could work, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. And I’m capable of it, I know how to maintain if I have to drive or if I’m around certain people I shouldn’t get sloshed in front of. But I like to get drunk; a simple buzz is a tease, like a 30 second lap dance.
So the options are clear: hang up the cleats, so to speak, which would probably be a good idea, it’d certainly be better for my health. Or up the intake, which is more appealing. Have to choose one, because being almost 27 and still puking all over my room really isn’t something I’d like to do any more of. And really, it’s such a fucking high-school thing to do it’s disgusting. Not to mention the smell…I must have used half a bottle of Fabreze.
editor
Another Cup of Joe, Bartender
By Mary Beckman
ScienceNOW Daily News
12 June 2006
Sometimes two vices are better than one. Drinking large amounts of coffee protects the livers of people who drink large amounts of alcohol, a new study shows. The results partly explain why so many heavy alcohol drinkers escape cirrhosis of the liver, say the authors.
The idea that coffee drinking might benefit alcohol users arose more than a decade ago, when cardiologist Arthur Klatsky and colleagues at the Kaiser Permanente Medical Care Program in Oakland, California, noticed that fewer heavy drinkers were dying of cirrhosis–scarring that hardens the liver–than expected. A study at the time suggested coffee drinking might be the cause, but it was too small to say to what extent. Other studies since then have suggested that coffee appears to lower the amount of liver damage as measured by liver enzymes in the blood in people who drink alcohol generously. But cirrhosis can also be caused by viruses such as hepatitis C, and the previous analyses could not say whether coffee also protected those people.
To find out, Klatsky and colleagues analyzed data from more than 125,000 individuals in the Kaiser health system who were deemed healthy in initial exams between 1978 to 1985. All of the individuals filled out questionnaires that asked how much coffee, tea, and alcohol they drank. By 2001, 199 had come down with cirrhosis of the liver due to drinking, and 131 had cirrhosis due to other causes. When the researchers compared those who had consumed similar amounts of alcohol, they found that for each cup of coffee consumed per day, individuals were 22% less likely to be hit with alcohol-induced cirrhosis. The heaviest coffee drinkers were 80% less likely to suffer cirrhosis. In addition, boozers who drank the most coffee had significantly lower amounts of liver enzymes in their blood, suggesting something in coffee protects from liver damage. Coffee had no effect on cirrhosis if the damage was not due to alcohol, and no amount of tea drinking helped anyone’s liver, indicating that the effect was not due to caffeine. Klatsky says he was surprised at how well coffee worked. The team reports its results today in Archives of Internal Medicine.
“I think it’s pretty exciting,” says James Everhart of the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases in Bethesda, Maryland, who has also studied the connection between coffee and cirrhosis. Klatsky says the best way to avoid alcohol-induced cirrhosis is not to drink more than four cups of coffee a day but rather to cut back on the tipple. Still, “this is another indication that moderate coffee drinking is not harmful,” he says.
I drink a 12 pack every weekend. 4 friday, 4 saturday, and 4 sunday. a slight buzz, nothing more. My wife thinks I am becoming an alcoholic. Should I tell her that I drink because She exists?
-Pissed
a 12 pack spread over 3 days and she thinks you’re an alcoholic? seriously? tell her that when you start drinking a bottle of whiskey every day then you’ll be an alcoholic.
and, you know, I’m not qualified to give marriage advice seeing as how I believe it to be an unnatural institution, but telling her that would hasten the end of of it I’m sure.
I use plenty of comparisons, but she doesn’t buy it
I usually only feel the need to get drunk in two situations:
1. I’m with a woman who I know gets hornier the drunker she gets. (Meaning I look better and better as the night goes on.)
2. I’m depressed and trying to forget women, period.
Notice the common thread here: women. Sadly, it’s usually the latter situation over the former. If I drink with my friends, drama always seems to ensue, so I only try to do so every once in a while. Alcohol really does bring out the immature teen in us all it seems.