Executioneering our Strategery to Manage your Solutionarium with Effectivenicity

Fellow intertubians, I would like to posit on a little known problem in corporate America. Essentially it boils down to this: marketers do not know how to communicate with anyone outside their own trade. I know, it’s a goddamned shock, I’m only now coming to grips with this myself.

I believe this phenomenon begins in the classrooms of universities and trade schools across the country that claim to teach “marketing”, and near as I can tell, are run by sadists who wish to see the English language beaten down into a cesspool of ten-dollar words that don’t have the ability to convey an idea beyond the most vague of notions.

Corporate executives are also known to be able to wallow in this bastardized form of our beloved language, but they are able to make it work for them and come out the other side many dollars richer. Granted, they lose a good deal of brain cells in the process, but they’re left in a tranquil, almost Zen-like state of being that deludes them into thinking that everyone will be the better, and the richer, for it. They try to communicate this to their lowly employees, but sadly we aren’t able to appreciate it for we still speak the language of mere mortals confined to punching a clock.

Beware, my friends, that you do not fall victim to a trap of never ending doublespeak in your workplace. It has been known to leave people as broken versions of their former selves, writhing in pain at the mere mention of a “solution”, or god forbid, the “managing” of said “solutions”. Do what you can to avoid instances where you may run into such a trap; call in sick, feign a bout of explosive diarrhea and retreat to the nearest restroom for the duration. You will be a better, more grounded individual for it.